


Little Sex Shop of Horrors

by vgersix



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Humiliation, M/M, Multi, Non-sexual, Oops, Pegging, Sex Shop, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4294029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vgersix/pseuds/vgersix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaila talks Jim into trying pegging and drags him to the sex shop in the middle of the night to pick out a strap-on. Unfortunately, Spock and Uhura have to make a condom run and... they bump into each other in the store. It's hella awkward. And hella funny. Oops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Sex Shop of Horrors

**Author's Note:**

> Idea came from a fic prompt on tumblr: "Imagine your OTP being bitter enemies running into each other at a sex shop." - otpprompts.tumblr.com 
> 
> Note: marked as "non-sexual" because no actual sex takes place in this fic. Lots of sex toys are present, but no one is using them properly. Sad day.
> 
> Second Note: Will we have come up with some futuristic alternative to condoms in the future? Probably. Was I grasping at some relatively vanilla reason to get Spuhura in the store? Maybe. Should you just enjoy the fic and not worry about it? Definitely. ;P
> 
> Welp. Hope you enjoy! <3

“Gaila, come on…” Jim sighs, realizing even as he says it – she’s already made up her mind. “Can’t we just… Let’s just go have sex…”

She tosses her sea of red hair over one shoulder, giggling on her way to the door. “That’s what we’re talking about, silly. It’ll just take a second – the shop is only a few blocks away. Come on!”

“You know what,” he says, heading back toward the bedroom, “You go ahead. I’ll just wait here.”

“No!” she screeches in something approximating the cry of a rabid harpy, “You must accompany me to the house of SIN, Jim Kirk!” she draws out the “I” in his last name, like some kind of old timey charismatic preacher denouncing him from the pulpit.

He takes one look at the crazed gleam in her eye and doubles over laughing. One thing he can say for Gaila without question – she never fails to make him laugh.

“Okay, okay! Jesus…” he giggles as she all but drags him to the door.

“Jesus ain’t gonna save you, boy!” she does her best Southern United States accent, courtesy of many practice sessions with Bones. Jim just rolls his eyes and they tumble down the hallway – their collective mirth manifested in a tangle of limbs and hair.

* * * 

“Are you quite certain we will not be recognized?” he asks, fidgeting with the clasp of his jacket.

Nyota stops just shy of the motion sensitive doors to the sex toy shop. She turns on her heel with an exasperated sigh. “Spock, you could have stayed home. I tried to tell you—“

He has pulled up the hood of his jacket, as if hiding beneath it will somehow make him unrecognizable – the only Vulcan living in San Francisco, at a store less than two city blocks from the academy dormitories. She shifts her weight to one foot and plants a hand on her hip, as if to indicate just how absurd this idea is.

And in a purely academic sense, he is forced to agree with her reasoning. But this is not a matter of logic. It is a matter of mortification. His mortification, to be precise. The probable occurrence of which is extremely high, by his calculations. And his calculations are rarely wrong.

“We’re here already, Spock. Let’s just go inside. We’ll make it fast.”

He nods once, and they enter the building.

* * *

“Look, I don’t care – okay? Just pick one.”

They’ve been in the store for what seems like hours but what Jim’s communicator assures him has only been seventeen minutes. Nevertheless, seventeen minutes perusing the vast selection of strap-on dildos available in this well-stocked sex shop is far more time than he ever planned on dedicating to such a task.

Gaila has a package (quite literally) in each hand, and is busy weighing them, one to the other, apparently in an attempt to determine her favorite. She turns around, handing the glittering plastic phalluses off to him.

“Okay, it’s down to these two. Which one do you like better?” she asks.

“Gaila—“ he stutters, taking first the sparkly, hot pink dildo and pvc strap-on rig, and second, the neon green dildo with black leather rig, and holds them both aloft, laughing in dismay.

“Well, on the one hand…” he says.

“Mhm?” she nods encouragingly.

He looks back and forth between the two equally ridiculous objects. “But then on the other…”

“Jim!” She slaps his shoulder, while he doubles over laughing again. “Seriously! Which one do you like? It’s going in _**your**_ ass!”

And that is the exact moment that Spock and Uhura turn the corner, and stop in their tracks.

“Uh…”

It’s the only thing Uhura can say, seeing as her mouth has fallen open in abject horror.

Spock’s face shrinks deeper into his hoodie, like a turtle retracting its head into a shell.

“Oh,” says Gaila. “Ny, hi sweetie. And um, Professor Pointy. Hello!”

Uhura steps forward. “Gaila, how many times do I have to tell you, don’t call him that.”

Spock emerges from humiliation just long enough to express confusion. “Professor… Pointy?”

“Gaila, what are you doing here?” Uhura is glancing around feverishly as if the entire academic class might well be hiding behind the next corner, but is grateful to find them alone in the shop. Apparently it is just her lucky day that the only other partons out at this hour would be her roommate and Farm Boy MacGee. Lovely.

Gaila scoffs, grabbing one of the dildo rigs from Kirk’s grasp. “What am I doing? What does it look like I’m doing?”

At last, Jim finds his voice. Though when he speaks, it comes out as more of a squeak than actual speech. “Gaila—“ he croaks. “Stop. Please.”

Oh,” she says, realizing she’s been waving the dildo around to punctuate her speech. “Am I being culturally insensitive again?”

Jim hasn’t turned, and crosses his arms while keeping his back facing Uhura and, behind her – a still cloaked Spock. “Yes. Yes, you are. Can we go now?”

Gaila rolls her eyes, as if to indicate that everyone is just being so overly dramatic. Humans. And Vulcans – they’re even worse!

“Fine,” she says. “Eenie, meenie, miney mo –“ she waves the dildos back and forth as she sings. “Ooh – this one!” and holds the shiny green rubber cock aloft with pride, glad to have made her choice.

Spock’s neck descends even further into the hoodie.

“Okay, bye.” Jim turns, grabbing Gaila by the arm, and drags her toward the sales counter.

“So,” Uhura calls after them, “I’m going to just assume I should… not… come home tonight?”

Gaila stumbles to stop Jim’s attempted escape, and casts a glance in Spock’s direction. “I dunno,” she says, shifting her gaze back to Uhura with a knowing grin. “We’re you planning on it?”

Spock’s cheeks turn roughly the same shade of green as the fake penis Gaila is now waving goodbye to them with.

Uhura struggles to keep a straight face, pressing her lips together. Finally, she manages a bemused smile. “Point taken.”

She turns to her boyfriend with an apologetic smile. “Okay, Spock. Find the condoms and let’s get the hell out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr: [k/s blog](http://spirkian.tumblr.com/) | [personal blog](http://vgersix.tumblr.com) | [email me](mailto:vgersixwrites@gmail.com)


End file.
